FORGIVENESS!?! NO! NOT THAT!

I have to say that when I read today's Gospel from Matthew 18: 21 to 35 I had a hard time with it. I had a difficult time with it because I am a gay man who has experienced a lot of spiritual violence and pastoral abuse over the years. I know that so many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people have experience unspeakable violence and discrimination, much of it has come from the religious right including the Catholic church and the Republican party.

Just last night my partner Jason and I attended a memorial service at Spirit of the Lakes United Church of Christ in Minneapolis to remember over 145 transgendered people world wide who were killed over this past year. As the names of the dead were read along with their ages and how many of them died, we were just angered at the violence that has taken place and continues to happen. I am willing to bet that most of the violence that is committed comes from the hands of people who think they are doing a courageous religious duty. There are many Christians who would justify such behavior.

So, how can the Christian Faith today speak to and about LGBT individuals forgiveness for all the pain and anguish that we have experienced by so many religious bullies? Why should LGBT people discuss forgiveness when so many Christian leaders who preach "forgiveness" continue to encourage violence towards LGBT individuals? I know how many gay men especially youth respond to such a question. Their response is "Forgive the Christians for discriminating against me? Fuck that shit!" It is easy to walk away and be angry at the vulgar language, but this is the attitude that many Christians have encouraged through their acts of prejudice and hate.

Let's talk just a bit about what forgiveness is not, before we discuss what it is. Forgiveness is not trust and it is not excusing inappropriate attitudes or behaviors. Forgiveness is not, not standing up and speaking against injustice. Speaking up against inequality and injustice towards LGBT people is something everyone needs to do. Forgiveness does not mean that those who continue to endorse actions like The Manhattan Declaration should be excused for promoting religious bias towards LGBT people. We also do not laugh or rejoice when Lutheran's separate from the ELCA over welcoming LGBT individuals to be Bishops, Ministers and allow LGBT Individuals to get married in the church. No, these actions are still wrong and we still need to play our role in educating the public about LGBT issues and calling for justice from our President, Congress, as well as our local States, Cities and Towns. We also must hold the Pope, Bishops, Priests, Ministers, Rabbi's and all Religious figures accountable when they incite violence towards LGBT people.

What forgiveness does is that we do not place the individuals and their actions between us and our relationship with God. Forgiveness means that although their behaviors are unjust and cannot be condoned, we still do not let them take the place of God in our life. As LGBT Christians, we have been forgiven by a loving and merciful God. God does not condemn us for being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered. Our love for our significant other(s) is not condemned by God. We were created in the image and likeness of the Holy Trinity. We have been redeemed through the blood of our loving Savior Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit continues to work in and through us to sanctify and comfort us. "Christians have no right to place any limit on forgiveness." (Collegeville Bible Commentary, New Testament Volume Page 889). The writer in today's "Forward Day by Day" writes: "If we need time to process..the hurt..that is okay. Forgiveness is too important to minimize." (Page 22). We need to understand that forgiveness is a process. For many, especially LGBT people it does not come for a very long time. One Priest once taught me to pray not only for the grace to forgive, but for the grace that we may want to forgive. It is easy to forgive from a half-hearted position. Just as our lovers and spouses do not want a half-hearted lover, neither does God. When we do forgive, it needs to be with our whole heart in the exercise.

Because forgiveness is so very important in the process of healing for LGBT individuals, I cannot encourage enough the necessity of finding a church or congregation that welcomes LGBT people. There are many churches that welcome, affirm and embrace LGBT individuals, families and couples. There are many churches that take the cause of speaking out for LGBT equality very seriously. Just yesterday the Chicago Consultation a group of Anglican Bishops, Priests and Lay people made a request of Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori and the Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams to speak out about the anti-gay bill in Uganda. As a result The Executive Council has planned to discuss the Uganda situation in a special session on December 7th. An Episcopalian responded with great disappointment concerning the Manhattan Declaration. As I have written in the past, the negative voices are not the only loud mouths that speak. We need more of them, but positive voices are speaking. The point is for LGBT people to find churches that welcome them to help them with the healing process so that they can come to a place where they can forgive. Believe me when I say, I know first hand how difficult forgiveness can be. I still have a long way to go myself. But, as LGBT people we are in this together. As the writer for today's piece in "Forward Day by Day" writes: "And because we are humans and sinful we will have lots of chances to practice forgiveness." (Page 22).

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.