The Prayer of St. Anselm: Why I Took His Name

O Lord my God. Teach my heart this day where and how to see you, where and how to find you. You have made me and remade me, and you have bestowed on me all the good things I possess, and still I do not know you. I have not yet done that for which I was made. Teach me to seek you, for I cannot seek you unless you show yourself to me. Let me seek you in my desire, let me desire you in my seeking. Let me find you by loving you, let me love you when I find you. Amen. (Prayer of St. Anselm of Canterbury, St. Benedict's Prayer Book., p.118).

On May 28, 2013, I entered the vocation as a Novice in the Companions of St. Luke/Order of St. Benedict.   As I completed my time as a Postulant, I considered very carefully what I would do with regards to my name.   The Abbot wisely challenged me saying that I already had (and still have) a good name.  Philip is an Apostolic name, and a wonderful name.  I have never regretted the day my mother and father gave me that name.   Though, it is very tiring to ask people not to spell it with 2 "l's" a lot.  I have had my share of people carelessly poking fun at my insistence that it be spelled correctly.  A person's name is no small matter.   In Isaiah 43:1b God says through the Prophet: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name,  you are mine."   The very idea that God redeems us and calls us by name, tells me that every person, and every name is sacred.  Not taking time to reverence God by way of the fact that God calls us each by name, is to exercise poor judgment and is not to be taken lightly.  Taking time to know and spell someone's name properly is good Christian charity and respect for God in each of us.

However, during my time as a Postulant, I found St. Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 5:17 and 18 becoming very real in my life.

So If anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation; everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!  All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.

St. Anselm of Canterbury has always been a very attractive Saint to me.  He was a Benedictine Monk of the Abbey at Bec.  The words of the prayer that I have quoted at the beginning of this blog post  come from Anselm's great work Proslogion which in English means: "Discourse on the Existence of God."   The words are found in Chapter 1: A Rousing of the Mind on the Contemplation of God.   I won't go into deep detail and bore my readers.  The words of the prayer in many ways sum up the spirituality found in The Rule of St. Benedict.   Whether we are praying, working, spending time in Lectio Divina, at meals, visiting with friends, engaging with our spouses, co-workers, or enemies; it was St. Benedict's spirituality written within the framework of The Rule that said that we are in a constant search for union with God.   Seeking God, finding God, having the desire for God, the ability to love God when we find God, are all because of God's initiative.   It requires a faith that is trust in God, knowing that we are finding God because of God's love for us, and we need God's help to love God wherever and in who ever we find God in.   

In addition, John Boswell wrote a great deal about St. Anselm in his book: Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality.    It appears that St. Anselm of Canterbury along with St. Bernard of Clairvaux and St. Aelred of Rievailx though having negative ideologies about physical relationships between same-sex individuals, had a great deal of inner turmoil regarding their own gay orientations. In more than one instance, Anselm wrote letters to many of his own pupils and fellow monks of his own Monastery at Bec that can be interpreted as romantic love letters.   One such example would be one to his "beloved lover" ("dilecto dilectori," e.g. 1.4, 14, 75).   See below the quotes taken from Boswell's book, page 218.

Wherever you go my love follows you, and wherever I remain my desire embraces you....How then could I forget you?  He who is imprinted on my heart like a seal on wax--how could he be removed from my memory?  Without your saying a word I know that you love me, and without my saying a word,  you know that I love you. [Ep. 1,4; PL, 158:1068-69]

What will a letter of mine show you that you do not already know, my other soul?  Go into the innermost chamber of your heart and look at the devotion of your true love; then you will know the love of your true friend.  [Ep. 1.14; PL, 158:1079-80]

I believe the prayer of St. Anselm from the Proslogion and the words in this letter contain a connection that he wanted to make.  We find God by loving God in others.  Therefore, once we have found God in another, we need God's grace to love God there.  Even when such a love comes in someone, something  and in a way we do not understand, nor necessarily want.  If we want to search for God, we must begin from the point that it is God who is continually remaking us, and that we are far from having fulfilled what God made us to do.  Only by God's initiative do we continue to search for God, in our desire to seek God by loving God, once we find God, we must love God there.

I wish to close this reflection and/or explanation with the words St. Anselm wrote at the end of the chapter in the Proslogion in which the prayer is found.  

For I do not seek to understand that I may believe; but I believe so that I may understand.  For I believe this also, that 'unless I believe, I shall not understand' [Isa. 7:9].

I asked for the name Anselm, because I wish to make his prayer, my prayer.   His prayer and life are a reminder that each day provides moments for me to find God by loving God, then I must by God's grace love God when I find God.   

St. Benedict and St. Anselm, pray for us. Amen.