Then Peter came and said to him, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times. "For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, 'Pay what you owe.' Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart."
While I was a student at Eastern Nazarene College between 1988 and 1994, every Fall and Spring the church that was located on campus would hold a week of revival services. The revivals were so important to the church and the college that the library, academic support services, snack bar, book store, would close for two hours during the evenings while revival services were being held. At least once during that week, the revival preacher would pull out this Gospel narrative with the parable of the king and the servant. The preacher would pound every ounce of guilt she or he could into students who had not forgiven someone, to see if she or he could get those students to come forward and admit that they need to forgive someone. This has become one of my real problems with Protestant evangelical "fire, hell and brimstone" preachers. They appear to prey upon many innocent young victims, especially LGBT and Questioning youth to turn their already difficult lives upside down, inside out, to mold them into what the preacher thinks they should be.
Even today in the church's that are more accepting of LGBT and Questioning individuals, when I hear sermons based on forgiveness given by heterosexual, men who tell people who are LGBT and Questioning individuals to forgive people and institutions that have and are continuing to abuse their freedoms to attack us, denigrate us and place us in a box to be changed into something we are not, I really think that many preachers need to approach LGBTQ individuals a bit differently. It is real easy to talk about forgiving individuals and institutions that have mistreated people, when the discussions going on between the Anglican Communion and the Episcopal Church are not about your sexual orientation and/or your gender expression/identity. It is real easy to say that we need to forgive the folks who operate ex-gay ministries when they have caused so much pain, shame, guilt and depression for LGBTQ individuals, when you are not someone who is told to do those things to "change" yourself into someone considered "normal." LGBTQ really do require a sense of compassion and understanding that is not so "mainstream". The same ideas, yes, the approach, no.
Before we dip into forgiveness for LGBTQ individuals, first we need to say something over and over and over again. God does not hate homosexuals or homosexuality. God does not hate transgendered individuals or the desire to change one's gender. God has not resounded throughout the Bible a prohibition against LGBTQ individuals, couples or families and our loving, committed relationships. Any religious institution or persuasion that attempts to suggest such, is sadly mistaken. Any attempt to criminalize LGBTQ individuals, families, couples just for being so, and living in loving, committed relationships is not something that is condoned by the Bible, nor is it approved by God. The push by religious conservatives to destroy all hopes for marriage equality through the Prop 8 trial and Constitutional Amendments against same-sex marriage all over the country, are not done in an effort to protect any heterosexual marriage. No straight marriage is violated or threatened because two people of the same sex wish to make a public commitment of their love to spend the rest of their lives together. No straight marriage is threatened if same-sex couples are able to file joint taxes, apply for marriage licenses, receive public funding as a family, or adopt children. The sanctity of the institution of marriage is made that much more wonderful when all people gay or straight are allowed to legally share in all of it's benefits.
LGBTQ individuals are really put through the greatest emotional hell because of right wing groups such as the National Organization for Marriage, the Family Research Council, the American Family Council and Focus on the Family use their anti-gay rhetoric to bring destruction upon us and our quest for equality. It is our business and obligation to respond to all of that anti-gay rhetoric and rebut the false statements made by these and many others. We need to continue to work with organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign, the Courage Campaign, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and so many others to help tell the truth about LGBTQ individuals, families and couples.
When we talk about forgiveness, what we mean is that we should not, nor are we to place what they do to us between them and our own relationship with God. As angry and as sad as their words and actions might make us, when we do not forgive them we are actually giving them more power over our lives and hearts, and in a sense, they win. When we as LGBTQ individuals give to right wing organizations the power to decide that we no longer believe in God or Jesus, we are giving them the power to decide for us what our faith and life will be. Forgiving someone does not mean that we trust them, or approve of what they do. If what they do is wrong, it is still wrong. To forgive means that we still seek their common good even if we must counter their anti-gay rhetoric and work against what they are doing. To forgive means that we entrust them to God, and God's care and love, not to our own hate or wishful destruction. When we invoke God's help to forgive those who have and continue to hurt us, we are asking that our hearts and lives belong first and foremost to God, not to the evil of those who vomit anti-gay rhetoric every time they open their mouths.
Lastly if you are like me, forgiving people who hurt us does not come over night. It is also not over because of one sermon, blog post or Bible study. It requires the grace of God to help us get there. Fr. John Bauer who is now the Rector of the Basilica of St. Mary in Minneapolis, Minnesota shared something with me that I find to be true. It is not enough to ask God for the grace to forgive, but we must also ask God for the grace that we will want to forgive. I think he has a valid point. Forgiving someone is difficult for sure, but wanting to forgive someone who has hurt me, that is really the difficulty. Getting to that point takes an act of grace from God and it may very well not come by next week, next month or next year. But in God's timing all good things do come to pass. And God will work with our hearts to forgive if we will allow God's grace the opportunity. All God wants us to do, is invite God into our hearts. God the Holy Spirit with her wonderful grace and loving power will lead us into all truth so that we will over time be able to forgive. And the grace of God through Jesus Christ will be there with us every step of the way.
Keep, O Lord, your household the Church in your steadfast faith and love, that through your grace we may proclaim your truth with boldness, and minister your justice with compassion; for the sake of our Savior Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen. (Proper 6, Book of Common Prayer, Page 230).
O God, you have made of one blood all the peoples of the earth, and sent your blessed Son to preach peace to those who are far off and to those who are near: Grant that people everywhere may seek after you and find you; bring the nations into your fold; pour out your Spirit upon all flesh, and hasten the coming of your kingdom; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Prayer for Mission, Book of Common Prayer, Page 100).
Grant, O God, that your holy and life-giving Spirit may so move every human heart, that barriers which divide us may crumble, suspicions disappear, and hatreds cease; that our divisions being healed, we may live in justice and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Prayer for Social Justice, Book of Common Prayer, Page 823).
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