August
25, 2016
I
am sure all of my regular and irregular readers of my blog (s) have been
wondering why I have not written in close to a month now. There are individuals who are friends on my
Facebook timeline and in the groups I manage who must have been wondering why I
have not posted updates on my formation journey with the Companions of St.
Luke/Order of Saint Benedict in a very long time. In this blog post, I am going to answer some
of those concerns and/or questions.
As
many of you may know, my mother passed away on November 22, 2015 after a brief
illness due to vascular dementia.
Before I got the opportunity to fully grieve and heal from the loss of
my mother, unfortunately the CSL decided that I was not to continue my
formation with them. The manner in which
they handled giving me the news was not done very well, and was very
painful. As part of their handling my
dismissal, they “asked” me to resign so that I could save myself the
embarrassment of having a dismissal on my record within The Episcopal Church
that a Religious Community had dismissed me.
Therefore, I did resign. I have
to be very vague in telling others why I was asked to resign. In short, it had to do with the Communities’
inability to deal with the many challenges I have due to Asperger’s and my
other mental illness issues. The
request to resign took place on March 4th, 2016 in the presence of
one of my psycho therapists.
The
matter with what happened with the CSL Community left me very hurt, angry, and
confused. I have been working through
the very painful grief of having lost the Community that I had grown to love so
much. It is very much akin to breaking
up with someone you are dating. The only
difference is that it was the breaking up of a relationship with many people,
not just one. As part of my grief
therapy and journey towards some kind of healing, I have had to cut ties with
all members of the Community as was suggested by my therapists to help with the
healing. During the few months since I
resigned, I have been facing feelings and emotions from all directions. Among them are fear, anger, failure,
betrayal, sadness, being lost, being completely worn out and more.
One
of the things I decided as I wrote and sent in my resignation, was that my name
Br. Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB along with my Benedictine identity, habit, etc
was and is my identity. Even though I no
longer have that identity according to the CSL, I am keeping the identity, because
I feel that God gave me the identity (yes through the former Abbot of the CSL
at the time), and that the CSL cannot take that identity from me and my
life. They cannot take it as my identity
among those who have come to know me that way, and I am free to live into that
identity for as long as God gives me breath.
The
Rule of Saint Benedict has been adapted to just about every form of life
throughout the centuries since it was written.
Since the dismissal, I have chosen to live what The Rule of Saint
Benedict means for me as a solitary Monastic.
I have also given some thought to creating a new dispersed Benedictine
Community under the name of The Contemplatives of Subiaco/The Order of Saint
Benedict. It would be a very
contemplative community with a strong social justice as part of our outreach
work. I have drafted a customary that
would be used to begin the Community. I
want to call others to consider becoming members of the Community, be supporters
of the Community either in prayer, time or financial contributors to the
creation of the Community. I need help
to make it happen. If you are interested
in helping me, I would welcome your help.
I
very much intend to remain part of The Episcopal Church and support our work of
ministry. In time, I will want the
community to become a Christian Community in The Episcopal Church. I will be talking with Priests and others
about how this work is to be done.
My
husband Jason and I thank you for your continued prayers and support during my
formation process. Whether a Novice or a
Solemn Professed member of any Community; formation is a life-long endeavor of
faith, trust and commitment to personal growth and renewal.
I
plan to begin writing blog posts on Br. Anselm Philip’s Many Thoughts until the
Feast of Christ the King on Sunday, November 20th, 2016. I will continue to write blogs in Simple
Reflections for Deeper Spiritual Life during and after I discontinue my
original blog. I plan to begin writing
again on Sunday, September 11, 2016.
Thank
you for your patience and understanding.
Peace
be with all who enter here.
Br. Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB
